When You Know the truth...but you can do nothing.

I found the truth.
The truth of my life.

1st the: "Pak! Pak!" words.
I know it is me. I know you actually mean it to me!
But...did I said anything about it?
I let it be. I let all of you tease me in front of the public.
I let all of those people be happy with their doings,
even I cried to death here,
so that I will not make things become more worse.
Hey man! do whatever jokes you want to do,
but I will not forget what are you doing to me!
I will not fade it through my memory simply like that
and I will not forgive you
because it hurt me most!

2nd: Don't put a hope on someone when actually it will get you back!
I will not believe any person in my whole life anymore.
Sorry...yeah SORRY!
but the significance face,
the face of triumph, "Yes she did said sorry at LAST!"
Sorry for twice! Twice!
and you did'nt blame me?
yeah, not blaming me, but you smashed it into my face!
OKAY! the promise then you make,
Is this it?!
Even if a person really have to be the dumb spectators,
or should I bring also a banner said, "Go, Go! My luvly friends YOU can DO IT!"
maybe I can make a POM POM dance there when they are working.
I only absent once!
only I have to wash my clothes, you don't believe it,
yes, I had a terrible headache, a head that you want to smash it to the wall,
then I need rest at my room,
I always had a PONSTAN with me,
and I took it several times this week, twice a day,
and also a week before.

but, what can I do,
just accept the truth and I am the bad person of all.
I just don't want to voice out, because it will never make things change,
because you want it that way.
I always tell the harsh words, because its difficult for you to accept,
difficult to accept the truth!

Same goes to me,
Difficult to swallow 
the truth,
the facts,
the reality,
of your own life!

Ok, only me that have to sit back,
and reflect my doings,
whats the point!
the others?!
also do the same.
but it kept secret and silence.
I also dont want to drag anyone else here, but
PLEASE, its not only me!

but, nevermind.
it will be over yet,
I just need to be patience
for this 5 whole _____ years,
because I choose to be here,
and just accept,
close my eyes, 
to the truth of my life!

Just smile, although you cry deep in your heart.

No one will understand me!
and don't need the others if it will be like this.

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